“Don’t worry,” Doesn’t Cut It

I often hear people talk about anxiety as if it is a “bad thing.” They might have received the message over time, or at some point in their lives, “Stop being so anxious.” Or, how about the comment, “Just don’t worry about it.” Well gee thanks, as if we can all stop feeling anxious immediately, or somehow just shut the valve off completely and avoid feeling all together. Unfortunately, anxiety is an unavoidable emotion just like all emotions. That said, I would like to offer the idea that we benefit when we don’t judge our anxiety negatively, but rather view it as something useful.

Let’s start with the concept that anxiety is energy, just like anger, sadness, frustration, or happiness. The emotion signals to us that something is up, something is being triggered, and/or something is being important and needing attention. A colleague of mine once said in so many words, anxiety can be viewed on a scale of #1-5. Sitting on the scale near or right on #5, a person is experiencing too much anxiety. Likely, you are unable to think clearly, you may feel stuck or frozen. I like to use the term “flooded” to describe this state. At the other end of the scale is #1. This is where a person experiences very little energy. You simply do not care, you don’t worry at all, and likely you are not anticipating anything needing to get done.

In my experience, the magic number on the scale is right around #2. Not too much anxiety, and not too little. You feel some anxiety about an unknown outcome, but at the same time you also feel confident and motivated that you will get through it. It’s what I call “just enough” anxiety.

I encourage everyone to explore the extensive amount of resources that explore how we land on #2 of this scale. I’m quite certain there are not many people who enjoy feeling anxious. Can you imagine someone saying, “Wow, I loved feeling anxious today, it was fabulous!”

In a nutshell, start with paying attention to your breathing because likely when you are feeling anxious you are also holding your breath which elevates your nervous system. Second, explore the messages that you have been given that have reiterated your own self talk that anxiety is a “bad thing.” Universally, we all need to start with having support. Someone saying to you, “don’t worry about it” does not help. How about we start with joining in and saying something like, “I get anxious sometimes too, of course… it’s normal

…and with that there is always more to come.